Texas Liberal

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Invade Canada To Prevent Warming-Induced Immigration Of Our God-Given Wheat To North Of Border

A new report says that because of climate change, North America’s “Breadbasket” of wheat growing areas could move from the United States to Canada by 2050.

At current, the breadbasket extends from Texas up to the Canadian border. 

This potential shift is good reason to invade Canada to protect our “food security.” 

Some scientists suggest another option. They believe climate resistant crops and other modifications can solve the problem of different and often shorter growing seasons caused by climate change.

We know better.

As Americans, we know we must invade Canada and get “our wheat” back. In fact, we may need a preemptive invasion of Canada to stop the threat before it starts.

That’s not all. Melting ice around Greenland may be opening up that area to energy exploration. Do you think we’ll let those walrus-huggers take “our oil?” 

How about a new Monroe Doctrine updated for global warming? We’ll claim rights to all newly-thawed resources in our hemisphere. 

Whatever the effects of climate change, you can be sure we’ll update our “principles” to reflect that most cherished American ideal of getting what we want when we want it.   

December 6, 2006 Posted by | Politics | , , , , , , | 18 Comments