Texas Liberal

All People Matter

I Have A Longstanding Friendship That Does Not Work Anymore

I have a longtime friendship that doesn’t work anymore. This relationship has been one of my most important friendships for many years.

I met this person when we were both in college. I’m 40 now. Over the years we’ve kept in close touch and visited each other in the different cities we have lived in since college.

At this point however, we are barely able to make a phone call work. There is not much to say and there’s an awareness that certain subjects may lead to disagreement. 

We have much less in common than we did before. Increasingly, we see the world and react to the world in different ways. Nobody has done anything wrong. It’s simply that things change.

Our differences have emerged slowly and with a minimum of conflict. 

I’m hesitant to give up on relationships. I’ve not given up on this relationship. Yet the breach is real.

I’ve thought hard about best to proceed with this while keeping a door open. Relationships often play out over a lifetime. If we could get along well for almost 20 years, it’s possible we might be able to be close again. This is one reason I’m glad that we’ve not exchanged harsh words.

While I don’t have the affection I once did for this person, I do feel loyalty for the years of friendship. I think this loyalty will continue. I see this loyalty as a possible building block for a renewed relationship.

Sometimes a friendship does not work as it once did and you might decide to give up on it.  In some cases that might be the best course. 

Here, I’m pulling away from the relationship until I feel it might work again. Since we’ve mostly avoided conflict, I figure we might have a chance down the road

I don’t know if this will turn out for the best. I do know that you can’t recreate longterm friendships and that every effort should be taken to keep them working to the extent possible.

October 30, 2007 - Posted by | Relationships | ,


  1. While it seems your relationship with this old friends has some issues to work through, I’m glad that you are not willing to abandon it so quickly. It seems that in this day and age it is so easy to just run away, or avoid, or give up on something that is hard. Perhaps the same can be said for marriages – it’s easier to run than it is to face it head-on and see it through. I’m glad to see that you are still hanging on and can only hope that you guys are able to come out on the other end stronger friends than you were in college.

    Comment by Kip | October 30, 2007

  2. If it was not for the efforts of both parties we would have lost touch a while ago. while we have no conflicts that i am aware of its nice to get calls from you and e mails and I like to read the blog and post when i can. We all have those friends that you dont talk to for a year and its like an old shoe when you do. Its very nice to stay in touch and yes it takes work and thoughtfulness to stay connected. So dont give up on whoever it is just have no expectation so you will not feel hurt or disapointed.

    Comment by brady | October 30, 2007

  3. in my life, friendship is not as much about what i have in common with my friends as much as it is about trust. I have to agree with Kip and Brady, friendships take work from both parties. keep the lines of communication open.

    Comment by geo | October 31, 2007

  4. These are all good comments. Thank you.

    Comment by Neil Aquino | November 10, 2007

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