Tomb Raiding, Body Snatching, Registering The Dead To Vote—What’s Your Stand?

Above you see a picture of a tomb that was broken into in a Galveston, Texas Cemetery.

Despite what my conservative opponents say, I’ve never engaged in tomb raiding.

I looked inside the tomb in the picture and all the gold and silver was gone. All that was left was a beer can.

Though, of course, I am taking part in body snatching so I can register the corpses to vote for my liberal buddies.

Out of respect for the dead, I’m only registering the deceased who voted Democratic while living.

However, I may be registering the dead in the wrong way.  I thought I needed to produce the body.  It turns out all you need to do is leave the deceased on the voter rolls and have a still-living person vote while taking the name of the departed soul.

As you can imagine, I’m opposed to the dead voting for Republicans.

This will surprise you, but people in Galveston are often laid to rest in jade burial suits.

Or maybe that was in China a long time ago.

However, you might be better off breaking into tombs in Galveston rather than in China. Earlier this year China sentenced some tomb raiders to death. I know a jade burial suit will fetch more on E-Bay than the Texas A & M t-shirt you wiggle off a Texas corpse, but is it really worth being executed?

In 2002, The Journal of the American Medical Society offered up an article on body snatching. This article has details of riots caused by body snatching for dissection. There are also details of the theft of the body of Ohio U.S. Senator  John Scott Harrison. Senator Harrison was the son of President W.H. Harrison and the father of President Benjamin Harrison.

Slate has written on how you would go about stealing from a tomb and how you would sell what you steal.

I could not write about tomb raiding and leave out King Tut. It says here that tomb robbery goes back at least 3,000 years.

My own view is that I am against tomb-raiding, body snatching and registering the dead to vote.  I just want that on the record in case I ever decide to run for Precinct Executive or President.