Texas Liberal

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Invade Canada To Prevent Warming-Induced Immigration Of Our God-Given Wheat To North Of Border

A new report says that because of climate change, North America’s “Breadbasket” of wheat growing areas could move from the United States to Canada by 2050.

At current, the breadbasket extends from Texas up to the Canadian border. 

This potential shift is good reason to invade Canada to protect our “food security.” 

Some scientists suggest another option. They believe climate resistant crops and other modifications can solve the problem of different and often shorter growing seasons caused by climate change.

We know better.

As Americans, we know we must invade Canada and get “our wheat” back. In fact, we may need a preemptive invasion of Canada to stop the threat before it starts.

That’s not all. Melting ice around Greenland may be opening up that area to energy exploration. Do you think we’ll let those walrus-huggers take “our oil?” 

How about a new Monroe Doctrine updated for global warming? We’ll claim rights to all newly-thawed resources in our hemisphere. 

Whatever the effects of climate change, you can be sure we’ll update our “principles” to reflect that most cherished American ideal of getting what we want when we want it.   

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December 6, 2006 - Posted by | Politics | , , , , , ,

18 Comments »

  1. If memory serves, your last invasion of Canada didn’t go very well. Repelled by a pack of illiterate Quebecois with three rusty muskets between them. If you want our wheat, come and get it, we’ll be waiting to taunt you once again. Hawr hawr hawr

    Comment by Sam | December 6, 2006

  2. I would support your call to arms, but Sam is probably right.

    Bush would screw it up!

    Comment by jobsanger | December 9, 2006

  3. if anything we as a people need to overthrow the u.s. government and ask the canadian government to take over. it is time once again for us to have a government that is responsive to our needs instead of the needs of big business. canada is run more like an eu country. the u.s. has not been in the lead on anything in decades. most countries smell blood in the water from a dying nation and can not wait until they can get their piece. we can not invade a country that has the potential for breathing life back into this one. plus you have the simple fact that you would have the entire planet after us. very bsd idea to invade, which would make it a bad imove.

    Comment by system001 | December 11, 2006

  4. I have not thought of the idea of simply asking Canada to govern our nation. They might do a better job. Maybe we should send out some feelers.

    Comment by neilaquino | December 12, 2006

  5. Lets open up who can run for office in the united stated to anyone that wants to. You should not have to be born here on u.s. soil to lead a town or a state or a country. We might get some smart suckers that have not illegally hired undocumented workers as housekeepers and we might get some folks that dont want to have sex with children and if we are really lucky maybe we can get someone that can motivate people to care about where they live and each other and not just wave a flag and say that they are patriotic as they tailgate to the bengal game after drinking all day at the local hooters.

    Comment by bill brady | December 23, 2006

  6. global warming is becoming such a obvious problem that someone somewhere other than Al Gore needs to step up to help drive the bus!

    Comment by global warming | August 19, 2007

  7. Try take the canadian prairies. You wouldn’t survive the first winter. This
    is a frozen hell. We will bury your frozen asses in the spring. Come on
    what you waiting for. Our rifles are sighted in for hunting. I can make a head shot from 500 yards.I’m out of practice. Come to hell.

    Love Mac

    Comment by Mac Jordan | September 17, 2007

  8. Are you sure you’re really not a Texan?

    Comment by Neil Aquino | September 17, 2007

  9. Yeah the U.S. would not be able to invade canada.We actually have a military and navy force.Our soldiers are trained better.You may have more nukes considering we have none, but you cant use them against us.Why?Well first the world would invade usa after that would happen.2nd if you nuke us…you are going to harm your own people.3rd you suck.You tried to invade in 1812 and it didnt work.History seems to repeat itself anyways.

    Comment by kyle | October 27, 2007

  10. If you try Ill be waiting to blow your heads off myself with my gun.

    Comment by kyle | October 27, 2007

  11. I feel we would use nuclear weapons even if it harmed our own people at this point. Maybe if we attacked British Columbia with just one or two missles, the fallout could be limited to Democratic leaning areas like Seattle, Portland and San Francisco. This may already be in the works.

    Comment by Neil Aquino | October 31, 2007

  12. This article reflect the ideal of the current administration in power. Please vote on your next election. As a Québécois, I beleive that Americans can do better! The Canadian ‘dollard’ is growing fast! It is the first sign of what is yet to come. Wake up and get rid of this self centered administration!

    Comment by Ginette Guilbeault | November 10, 2007

  13. LOL is this a joke?

    Comment by Admin | February 19, 2008

  14. A joke? No…We’re massing the troops on the remaining patches of dry land.

    Comment by Neil Aquino | February 19, 2008

  15. So your solution to an ENVIRONMENTAL problem is nuclear war? Against a country that has contributed substantially less to global warming than the US has, no less? The irony is too much. How about using some of the absurd military budget to target the ACTUAL problem?

    Comment by the voice of reason | February 23, 2008

  16. Nuclear war? hmmmm. I had not considered that. Is there a way we could launch the missles so that the fallout would blanket Europe?

    Comment by Neil Aquino | February 23, 2008

  17. As a Texan, you shouldn’t worry about invading Canada; Mexico is already invading Texas. But should you decide to pay us a visit, we have the rest of the Commonwealth on our side (Australia, least importantly New Zealand, and most importantly Britain). Also, we’ll give Medvedev a call, and have Russia assist us. When we get back to the District of Columbia, we’ll drape the Abe statue with the Red Ensign, just to piss you Yanks off. We’ll give Alaska back to Russia. Then we’ll burn the White House down again. Just to be sure you don’t rebuild it, all the remaining wood will be turned into limited edition hockey sticks!

    Comment by gh | March 26, 2008

  18. I want Mexico to invade Texas because that will help eliminate the Anglo hold on politics that has helped make Texas such a brutal place over the years.

    Though don’t think that this stance means I am not still hot on the trail of Canada.

    As for Alaska, that would be three less Electoral Votes for the Republicans.

    As for Hockey, I have heard the NHL is still operating. But I think it is just a rumor. Though my membership in the invade Canada movement would be revoked if it got out that I did once attend a Montreal-Calgary hockey game at the old Montreal Forum.

    Comment by Neil Aquino | March 26, 2008


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